Maybe some day;;

it will get better.



....


But what happens if it doesn't?

Sadies;;

Was absolute SH!T.
Music sucked.
Company sucked.
No date.
Feet hurt.
PATHETIC.
I hated it, with a passion.

And I have no pictures, so blah. Deal.
Not a good night, nope.


He was in my damn bubble.

Apples.

I hate eating apples with lipgloss on. Yuck.

Soooooo....

I lost my date for Sadie's :/
His daddy had foot surgery yesterday and TyTy has to stay near him for at least a week.
Gah.

I get to see Beastly with Ryydear, Julia, and Aaron though. :) I did four hours worth of nasty dishes in order to go, and I get $30 for it too.
So, I'mma buy my Sadie's ticket, a new outlet charger for my iPod, and save the rest for the movie. I'm super excited.

BUT, I'm kinda....... indescribable?
I was telling Austin about TyTy, and Monkey comes up and says "Oh, I'll go with you." and I was like "Oh, don't you have a girlfriend??" and he's like "No... We broke up." And then, I was like "Oh... When?" and he's like "I dunnoo."
But yeah, then he was telling Julia that he was serious about going to the dance and all. Ish so weird. I don't know. I kinda don't want to go to school tomorrow, shhhhh. ;/
Hmm.

Dad's.

Going off to Dad's for the weekend.
Gonna make some homemade soup with gma tomorrow, then go shopping and hopefully start collecting some notebooks, pens, pencils, etc. for college? :)

Hoping I DON'T run into Julia (one of my best friends)'s boyfriend at Menards, who works there. :S How awkward.

Muah. <3

Ride real slow, make your speakers speakers blow.

Brokencyde is pretty much my life right now.
I used to like them a while ago, and then I bounced to Disturbed.
But I've rebounded back and I think they're getting better than ever.

IDGAF what people think about them. Who cares if they're "The Most Hated Band In America." Keep your opinions to yourself.
They're beast.


BC13 will never die. <3

Well,

It's been a few days.
Not much has really changed, unfortunately.

I did, however, manage to get a Valentine three hours before the day was up. :)
It's my friend Ryy. He's a darling ^___^
I wished him Happy Valentine's and he said the same, and we talked.
I found out that he didn't get a Valentine for the day, so I asked him, "Will you be my Valentine for the last three hours? ;P" and he responded "YEAH BABY MINE." He makes me laugh ^_^ He's a sweetheart, no doubt about it.

I still have a whole bunch of essays to write, but I can't stand them.
I have 2 things to do for Science Fiction, plus an outside reading assignment project that's due later on;
a couple of essays for a commodity project for Senior Social;
and an essay due for 20th Century American Music.
It's going to take forever.

On the brightside, I found a new absolutely favorite song. Actually, two.
I'll post the videos in a little bit. :)







I<3BC13

Valentine's Day.

Just another day of the year to make those of us who are single feel like shit. Thank you effing Hallmark.

On the bright side, I got a sucker and one of those little heart stickers from the lunch lady.
I don't think she realizes that she just made my whole day.
I put the sticker on my necklace, so I won't lose it throughout the day.

Thank you. :)

Trust.

It's funny how each day, I'm given more reasons not to trust a single person.
One of these days, I'm just going to stop talking.

Who will miss my voice?
Will anyone?

143;

Days until I'm 18 and can leave.
I just hope that day doesn't fail me.
It's going to be the best day ever.

...

And because I said that,
everything is going to go wrong.





Lol, I just had to.

I want someone to understand.

I don't feel like myself.
I feel alone. Lost. Scared. Depressed. Tired. Alone.
I feel like I can't get better because I don't deserve better. Not because there isn't anyone better, just that I don't deserve it.
I'm afraid for myself, and no one will see until it's too late.
I hate this stage that I'm in. I'm either happy or depressed. I come in and out of it. It's driving me crazy. I can't live going back and forth.
I wish somebody would ask me what's wrong. But then, I'd only say, 'Nothing, just... My head, it really hurts.' And that doesn't even make any sense.
I want to change everything.
I want to change my skin.
I want to change my face.
I want to change my eye color.
I want to change my hair color and style.
I want to change my body.
I want to change my clothing style.
I want to change my DNA.
But most importantly, I want to change my name.
I sometimes want to fake my death, and take on a new life.
Somewhere far, where no one knows my name.
No one knows my face.
No one knows me.
You can't possibly understand how it is for me. I am afraid to be alone in this house when I feel the way I do. I'm afraid of myself and I'm afraid of help. I don't have demons inside me, I'm just hurting over sh!t I can't get over or forget about.
I'm a sick girl.
Have you ever sat down, trying to be invisible? Sometimes, I feel like just ripping myself apart and putting myself back together.
I don't know if it's my mind I can't control, or if it's my body I can't fix, or if it's just my emotions I can't stop, or if it's just me.
Most days, I feel like crawling under my blankets and going to sleep for a very long time.
Or just laying there, not eating for days upon days.



I'm not depressed.
I just don't feel right.


Back to stabbing my mac-and-cheese noodles.
Mac-and-cheese is gross.