I just..

want to be alone with my books.
It doesn't seem anybody is able to fill this stupid massive hole. It feels like something is missing.

People look so fake to me these days.
Is there anybody left that's real?

Who the hell am I kidding?




I just really need to get away. That's all.
UGHHHHHHH.






My life is a mess.
Ohyes.


People just really really piss me off.
Ach, ich weiss nicht.


And the worst part is it's all my fault.




Also, I know there are people out there who are so much worse off than I am. But I can't help feeling like I'm worthless.

I don't want to point fingers, but it's been like this since Aaron.
I mean, I was everything for that kid. And when he blew me off, just so easily, I felt like I wasn't good enough anymore. Not just for him, but for everyone, myself.

If I could tell him anything, it would be a big fuck you.

But hey, maybe that was all my fault too.
I'm not blind. I knew how/what he was the whole time, and I still let myself believe him. He wasn't going to change for me. Hell, he still hasn't changed for her.
Ungrateful little bitch.



I'll tell you the full story one day when I'm feeling up to it.


I don't believe I've ever been this excited to get to college.
Fresh start.

Next person that...

Lies
to
me,

I'm
knocking
your
teeth
so far
down
your
throat,


that
you're
going
to
need
to
shove
a
toothbrush
up
your
ass
in
order
to
clean
them.

PISSED.

What a fucking dick move.
Asshole.



Oh you have no idea how much I don't like you right now.




How do you get off acting just like HE did.
I can't stand boys. Absolutely not.


So, you're all out meeting me and being considered possibly being my boyfriend,
and then you go and get a new girlfriend!? Well shitfuck.
Fooled me, that's for sure.



Boys like you make me want to soak you in meat juice, cover your balls with Beggin strips and sic all the dogs in the world on you.

Only...

A few more fucking months until I never have to see your goddamn stupid ugly ass face anymore.

Prove;

to me that all of you are not just a part of my imagination.

Paranoia.

I am so beyond paranoid that I'm sick.
I can't understand why I'm feeling this way.

I want to talk to Corey.
But he's not messaging me back.
He doesn't respond to my IMs.

But our last conversation ended with him saying he was going for supper and that he missed me already.
I think that was last night.
Maybe it was the night before.
I don't remember...

Why does he affect me like this?

I don't like LIKE him.
I'm still trying to get over the fact that he likes me and he's my ex's cousin.

Although, I COULD see myself liking him.
But I want to meet him first.
That's why I've been trying to talk to him.
I want to meet.
I don't want me falling into a relationship filled with sweet talking or flirting.


I'm scared.

Please don't be mad.

I didn't mean to laugh...
But when your new girlfriend smiled and only had one tooth.....


I mean, come on, that shit was funny.



;)

Updates;

Sorry, we lost internet for the week and I was too lazy to post anything from school.

SO. Here are some updates:

-I have to apply for school housing, because I guess my personality doesn't fit with Katie and Heidi. What a funny reason. Apparently, I'm too hyper? Hmmmm, reality check, I have calmed down a whole hell of a lot compared to the last few years.

-I mentioned how I was upset that now I couldn't have visitors one morning, and Katie said I could bring them to their apartment some time. Then, later that day, she "revoked" my invitation, because I "glared at her and ignored her" when she asked me a math question. She flipped out at Julia, saying she was done with me.
Funny, because the next day, she was trying to act buddy-buddy with me. I laughed internally, and actually ignored her. And then the next day, she tried again. I laughed again. ;D And now, it's been a few days since we've talked.
Not that I care. Harrison agrees, he called her a whiny b!tch. Amen.

-Mom is getting a bit weird now that I'm living in a dorm. She's making these lists of what she has to get me. "Oh, we have to get you a mini-fridge! We have to get you a microwave! We have to get you new bedding!" etc etc. And apparently, when she can't fall asleep at night, she thinks about what else she needs to get me.

-I don't understand why boys get so pissed off when they tell me they like me, and expect me to like them back. Especially when it's just random. Say, for instance, you haven't talked to the boy for MONTHS, and then the next time "OH.... I really like you, I wanted you to know that." Like... What am I supposed to say? "Oh yes, I really really like you too!!" Ummm. No. It doesn't really work that way....
Best part is... When you tell them you don't have the same feelings, they ignore you. I don't get it.



I suppose that's the big things from the past week. I'll try and update more.


*Thoughts go out to the Japanese.*

I Forgive You.

I gave him a note that I had written during that... rocky... situation.
I can't say if he's read it or not. I was a chicken and left it by his head while he was sleeping and then quickly disappeared from Julia's.
Disappeared as in high tailed my ass out of her house. Lol
Anyways, I might post a copy of it on here or not.
But yeah, Dana nor Julia has said anything about it, so either he just threw it away, their waiting for me to mention it, or he read it when he was alone and didn't tell Dana. Which would be a damn shock, considering he tells her everything.

I really really hate little boys. Immature little boys.

Anyway, rumors have it that BrokeNCYDE is going to Warped this year. If they do...... I'll pee myself. I want to see them soooooo bad ><

And I'm really excited to see Every Avenue there as well. I found zee perfect song that they sing.