I want someone to understand.

I don't feel like myself.
I feel alone. Lost. Scared. Depressed. Tired. Alone.
I feel like I can't get better because I don't deserve better. Not because there isn't anyone better, just that I don't deserve it.
I'm afraid for myself, and no one will see until it's too late.
I hate this stage that I'm in. I'm either happy or depressed. I come in and out of it. It's driving me crazy. I can't live going back and forth.
I wish somebody would ask me what's wrong. But then, I'd only say, 'Nothing, just... My head, it really hurts.' And that doesn't even make any sense.
I want to change everything.
I want to change my skin.
I want to change my face.
I want to change my eye color.
I want to change my hair color and style.
I want to change my body.
I want to change my clothing style.
I want to change my DNA.
But most importantly, I want to change my name.
I sometimes want to fake my death, and take on a new life.
Somewhere far, where no one knows my name.
No one knows my face.
No one knows me.
You can't possibly understand how it is for me. I am afraid to be alone in this house when I feel the way I do. I'm afraid of myself and I'm afraid of help. I don't have demons inside me, I'm just hurting over sh!t I can't get over or forget about.
I'm a sick girl.
Have you ever sat down, trying to be invisible? Sometimes, I feel like just ripping myself apart and putting myself back together.
I don't know if it's my mind I can't control, or if it's my body I can't fix, or if it's just my emotions I can't stop, or if it's just me.
Most days, I feel like crawling under my blankets and going to sleep for a very long time.
Or just laying there, not eating for days upon days.



I'm not depressed.
I just don't feel right.


Back to stabbing my mac-and-cheese noodles.
Mac-and-cheese is gross.